I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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