Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I AM VODKA MAN
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
