i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
