very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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