Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
