you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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