There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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