The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
