Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
