can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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