so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
