I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
