Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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