The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
