if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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