Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
