I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
