You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
