I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
