Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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