Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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