You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
