you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
