Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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