I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
