I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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