I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
