i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
