Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
