I feel like I'm in dance class right now
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
