dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
