i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm like, not good at living.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
