I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
