God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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