Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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