why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
