Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
