my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he thought i was a dude.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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