WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
