Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just had sex on a roof
True strength comes from lack of pants
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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