Your dad touched me again.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
