last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
