ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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