I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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