apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
