If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
