I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
