Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
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