Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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