So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just google imaged poop.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Drunk is a universal language darling
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