he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
