I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I am one with the molecules
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
