Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
